Memo to Mom

Hi Mom.
In case you haven't noticed, I'm teething. I know you have been racking your brain for legitimate reasons for me to have no appetite, whine all the time, pull at your clothing, put non-edibles in my mouth, and scream at the slightest offense. I just made it easy and told you. Now you can take a deep breath and reassess how you are dealing with me. Usually I have no complaints (besides being forced to wear clothes), but as of late, I would like to point out some of your behavioral flaws.
Firstly, when I am busy doing something fun like tasting the refrigerator magnets or stuffing my cheeks with pistachio shells like a squirrel, do not start your address with, "NO!!!!" it really sends the wrong message, and quite frankly rubs me the wrong way. This is why I reply with an earsplitting scream and as pouty of a face as I can muster.
Secondly, when I make my most injured face (the one where you can see all eight of my teeth) do not start to laugh. I don't care if it's some sort of therapeutic release from exasperation or if you just need a good slap, just don't do it. So bad for my budding sense of self esteem. Just because I can go from smiles to baby troll face in milliseconds does not mean that you shouldn't immediately adjust your handling of the situation. Now I know a common belief among you adult people is that if a poor baby (like myself) is not shedding tears, then its not an urgent situation, but let me just dispel that awful notion from your head. In fact, sometimes a non-tear situation is even more dire than bonking my head on the table when I stand up underneath it. And yes, I knew the table top was there... I just forgot momentarily. I cried because I was embarrassed- not shocked. You see, a non-tear situation could be as simple as me wailing at your knees because you were handling "hot" things in the kitchen and refused to pick me up even after I demanded "Up, UPPPPF" twenty three times in varying degrees of insistence/distress. I actually had to wait there on the floor for all of 6 minutes whilst you puttered around making food that I was about to vehemently reject anyway.
While I am thinking about food, I wanted to remind you not to bother to make any for me because I won't eat it anyway. I am so repelled by the thought right now that I have to go drink some bathwater (sans bubbles please- I've had gas lately).
Also, you should know that your conduct yesterday was utterly deplorable. We were in a public place, and you dared to try and get me to eat. I don't care that you ordered me my very own Quesadilla with a side of beans and Spanish rice. Did I ask for it? NO (just learned that word- so handy). I didn't even ask for your strawberry cheesecake. What, you think that because you willfully withhold sweets from me that I'll immediately cave and eat them when offered?! Do you even know me?!
That you had the heart to let Papa smear some on my lips to get me to taste it was a real slap in the face! I hope you enjoyed watching me sputter away every minuscule particle and then spew some drool out just for good measure. You must have, because I noticed you couldn't stop laughing even after Papa advised you against it. You claimed to have been laughing with me but did you see my face? It was not laughing. Not hungry means (say it with me now) "NOT HUNGRY". I thought they taught this stuff in Parent-Ed. Oh wait- that is a course scattered throughout a myriad of websites and support groups on the internet- many of which aren't helpful at all and disperse bad advice and recipes.

So I have an idea. Why don't you go eat some chocolate and do some jumping jacks- I'm thinking of having a chocolate milkshake later. Oh, was that too crude? I didn't think so, I mean I am talking to the one who voluntarily evaluates the properties of my scat every day...

One of Those Days...

There are some days when I realize about half way through that I just should have stayed in bed. Not that that's a viable option, but it's the thought that counts, right? The kind of day when you are already starting at a disadvantage because your teething toddler isn't sleeping well, your left ring finger is swollen and itchy from the lone ranger mosquito flying around your room, and you forgot to braid your hair at night and now it may just be easier to continue on the path to having dreadlocks. As the morning progresses, smaller and yet still annoying mishaps keep occurring. Lets just say that the open box of Cheerios should have a big fat arrow that says, "this side up dummy!" so that you don't have to sweep the breakfast you could have eaten into the trash. This is also the day that you turn on the tap for the bathtub and get an uninvited cold shower. Or it could be the day that the (insert favorite food here) you were saving to fully enjoy once the little one is soundly snoozing is no longer in existence when you finally get to it. It may also be the day that something you are so proud that you did has come undone and blown up in your face. At any rate, if these days came marked in any way, I would be sure to heed the warning and promptly return to bed as my toddler begins flinging toys and clothing about the room to her satisfaction. These days would be prescribed special never before seen episodes of Sesame Street and Milo and Otis in order to maintain a manageable level of safe activity. Snacks would be pre-prepared the day before as to avoid char-broiled grilled cheese sandwiches and the lazy mom special- pasta with butter and Parmesan. Netflix would be streaming all day on the phone as I laze about in bed and eat chips.
After the day of hazards has passed, it is now safe to draw a bubble bath, read "Spot goes Splash" and proceed with the evening routine. Tomorrow is another day, and if you're not too bleary-eyed in the morning, you might just manage to pour the cereal out of the right end of the box.

Cheer(io)s,

~Momrit

Momrit's Recipe for Whirled Peas (say it out loud)

     I will start by saying that I am certainly not a follower of the news in any way. I may collide with it on occasion as it is thrust in my face by someone who thinks I absolutely must know, but frankly, I get along just fine without it. Yes, there are (at least) two very different schools of thought on whether people should keep themselves up with the news, but I usually find it to be the same old stories any time I check in:

• The world political situation is in a dire state
• There is some country or another which has been neglected by the “worlds’ eye” for years and has suddenly come into the spotlight as corrupted and oppressive to its people
• Some celebrity or another is getting married/divorced(again), fat, pregnant, cheated on etc...
• Some small country is trying to buff up its arsenal (nuclear or what have you)
• The big countries are wagging their fingers at the little one saying they can’t buff their arsenal (because we’re the cool kids and only we can have those toys)
• America has its dirty fingers in someone else’s oil (or is thinking about it)
• Hundreds of thousands of people go starving and without education and healthcare
• And for a change of pace, there are some do gooders out there trying to make a difference so we put them on TV to make sure people don’t think its all bad news.
• Pet story, a sweet dog was rescued by a brave fireman which melts all of our hearts upon seeing the footage and helps to smooth over the creases that the bad news put into our day.

    It seems that it has been this way for as long as I can recall (which pales in comparison to some), and I am sure it has been the case long before my own arrival. So, my choice to live without TV and its insidious advertising and saddening news just reflects my wish to have a little influence over my daily environment. Even without TV and radio and reading the news online, I still heard about 9/11. That was a big one- there was no way to escape hearing of it. I figure if something really big happens, the news will find me but I need not seek it out.
    I know what many of you must be thinking. How ignorant! How naive! Perhaps even how stupid! How can I possibly participate in the world as a whole if I have no idea what’s going on? Well, there are only two things in this life that I can control. I can control my own actions to things, and I can control my own reactions to things. I cannot control what the world leaders do, but I can manage what I do in return in whatever small way that is (ahem, boycott Monsanto). It is my firm belief that if people spent more time focusing on what good they can do with their reactions on a small level, then it would have an overwhelmingly positive affect on the entire world scale.

    If each person could just start with themselves- for example, I failed a test. Instead of reacting badly and cursing myself or putting myself down, I could choose to react in a positive loving way. I could choose to love myself enough to do better next time so that I could feel a sense of pride and accomplishment and so that I could proceed and excel in my life. Most people are stuck there. They aren’t present enough
to react well to themselves, and so any reactions or actions toward the outer world are no better than they can deal with themselves.
    The next challenge is acting and reacting lovingly and understandingly toward one’s family. This is where many more of us are stalled. It is so difficult! And that is definite truth! It is not easy to always be kind and mindful of others and for them to do the same for us. So if we cannot help but argue and fight and put-down or clash egos within our own families with people of our own blood, how on Earth can we expect cities and states and countries and governments to get along well?

    The only answer I have is that we have to try, and starting on the most basic level- ourselves. For nothing changes unless we change from within. Once we plant that seed inside our hearts, those around us can see the flowers begin to bloom, and upon seeing such a beautiful garden, the hope is that it will inspire others to cultivate their own, until, one by one, the whole world has changed and we can direct our lives and societies and civilization and planet from a place of wholeness instead of fragmentation. I believe once that happens, a change so brilliant will be in front of us that we will all but forget the old ways of selfishness and enemies and we will see and treat the Earth as the heaven that it was meant to be for us and all creatures.

Amen Halleluja etc etc!

~Momrit  ;)

P.S. I hope it doesn’t take 500 years...though it seems it easily could.